The Nun – 2018

Score: 4/10

The Nun is in essence a boring ass movie that is punctuated with absurd jump scares. I honestly don’t get how it managed to do so well at the box office and I really hope that if they plan to do another one of these, they will try to make it better and to actually put a little work into the script. Everything moves at a snail pace, and aside from the final ten minutes, you will be left yawning and laughing, which are not good signs when you are watching what is supposed to be in the end a scary film. Hell, that stupid trailer with the jump scare was more frightening that the entire 96 minutes of this travesty.

The story is the weakest part of the movie, the one thing that almost brings the entire pointless exercise crumbling down. It is filled with clichés, boring, formulaic, and the one twist that it does have, while interesting, makes everything before that moment seem even more pointless and stupid. You will just be amazed of how stupid the characters are and while that might work on a comedic level, when it comes down to the horror department, you can’t be really scared when it is impossible to identify with the characters…

Speaking of them, the characters are bland, boring, and they don’t transmit anything. I also have to say that the inadvertencies and the clichés bring down the movie very fast. I mean sure, I can believe that the Romanian villagers talk English amongst themselves at the local bar, but seriously, the movie is not content with that, it tries to actually pretend that they know English. We are not stupid movie so stop trying to make everything fit to the point of being absurd. Horrible casting here and you can see that Demián Bichir, Taissa Farmiga, Jonas Bloquet, Bonnie Aarons, Charlotte Hope and Ingrid Bisu are clearly out of their depth.

The pacing of this one is infuriating, absolutely infuriating. And I am not only talking about the way it is filmed, with long anticipatory shots that lead towards……… absolutely nothing. I am also talking about the characters, the way people follow every single noise but walk as slow as possible, everything is way too chilled for what is supposed to be a horror movie. I mean for fucks sake, nobody walks in a haunted monastery like me or you walk when we take a stroll down to the park… Seriously Hollywood, if you want your horrors to instill fear, please try to populate them with humans that actually behave like humans! I know, shocking, right…?

The one positive thing about the movie, and the reason it gets a score of four is the last sequence. The last 10 minutes of the film are amazing, well-paced, full of action and really entertaining. I was almost shouting in the cinema because I was excited by what was happening on screen. And at the same time, I wanted to shout and scream in frustration thinking about how awesome this movie could have been if only the rest of it was similar to the last 10 minutes. I mean oh my God, it would have been great, it would have been a horror to remember… But alas, 10 minutes is all you get here, and while that might be enough for a bloody good orgasm, it is definitely far below par for what I would expect from a decent horror movie in 2018.

In conclusion, The Nun is worth seeing if you are a fan of this franchise or if you really like horror movies. In fact, regardless of the reasons, you should check this one out, because it was a big box office success and that means there are elements here that people all over the world appreciated. Don’t expect too much out of it though, because it does miss the mark on many aspects. And especially towards the middle part, get ready to experience boredom on an astronomical level… In fact, as many in the theater audience confirmed by laughing out loud, go into it expecting a lot of unplanned comic scenes and you will do very well with it. Heck, maybe that is the trick to enjoying horror movies like this… Treat them as comedies and they will not be so boring… Hmm, who knew…

The Son of Bigfoot – 2017

Score: 3/10

The Son of Bigfoot is not a terrible movie, not by any means. It’s passable as an animation and it even has a couple of funny moments. But, unfortunately, that is kind of about it. There is nothing more to see here and frankly for me it was a huge disappointment. It flew under the radar for good reason and it is definitely one of the weakest animations I have seen in the last couple of years. A big disappointment and one that has once and for all made me question the point of seeing animations made outside the big traditional studios… I am sorry independent movie makers, either up your game or stop bothering us with your shit…

The story is just one cliché after another and I was not surprised at all. Not once did I think oh man, I didn’t expect that. Everything follows a formula and you can anticipate the ending after literally the first 5 minutes. Basically, this movie is just a rehash of something that we have all seen before and frankly, I am getting tired of films that refuse to bring anything new to the table. Do it better or stop doing it at all.

The characters are bland, there is nothing special about them, they are simply clichés that come together and try to offer up some comedy while failing at everything else. You have the child that searches for his father, the mother that tries to protect that child from the truth, the father that left but is really a nice guy, the evil corporation and so on. And they all come together in a bore fest of epic proportions… Which is a shame because the actors, while not big names, do try their best. So I have to say kudos for trying to: Pappy Faulkner, Christopher L. Parson, Terrence Stone, Marieve Herington, Sandy Fox, Joe Ochman, Laila Berzins, Michael Sorich, Joe J. Thomas, Shylo Summer, Cinda Adams, John Allsop and George Babbit.

The animation style, while decent, is nothing to speak about, and because we live in a world where Pixar and Disney exist, this is simply unacceptable. I know, it’s an independent movie, I know its European bla bla bla… Those are no longer excuses, because I can simply not tolerate any more animations that are just trying to tick all the common boxes without brining anything new to the table. The style is decent yes, but there is nothing special about it, nothing that pops on screen, nothing that makes you want to keep watching.

What is the point? That is the question I was asking myself over and over while watching this film. I mean it has no point, it serves no one, it manages to accomplish nothing. The ending is more than obvious from the start, the plot twists are just clichés that we have seen countless times before and nothing manages to stand out. Everything seems formulaic to the core and boring… The movie is bland and it offers absolutely nothing more than a rehashed story that we have seen told in dozens of films before it… I mean honestly, you can’t watch this one without asking yourself what is really the point here…

In conclusion, The Son of Bigfoot is definitely one you should skip unless you are a huge fan of animated movies and you are basically willing to watch anything as long as it is animated. If that is the case, then by all means, go watch it, but don’t expect anything more than just a couple of good jokes peppered over the course of a terribly bland and boring story. It is really a shame, because there was some talent here and it could have been done much better, but unfortunately the end result does not live up to expectations. It’s very sad but I have to say it, this one does not warrant a viewing from you guys.