The Nun – 2018

Score: 4/10

The Nun is in essence a boring ass movie that is punctuated with absurd jump scares. I honestly don’t get how it managed to do so well at the box office and I really hope that if they plan to do another one of these, they will try to make it better and to actually put a little work into the script. Everything moves at a snail pace, and aside from the final ten minutes, you will be left yawning and laughing, which are not good signs when you are watching what is supposed to be in the end a scary film. Hell, that stupid trailer with the jump scare was more frightening that the entire 96 minutes of this travesty.

The story is the weakest part of the movie, the one thing that almost brings the entire pointless exercise crumbling down. It is filled with clichés, boring, formulaic, and the one twist that it does have, while interesting, makes everything before that moment seem even more pointless and stupid. You will just be amazed of how stupid the characters are and while that might work on a comedic level, when it comes down to the horror department, you can’t be really scared when it is impossible to identify with the characters…

Speaking of them, the characters are bland, boring, and they don’t transmit anything. I also have to say that the inadvertencies and the clichés bring down the movie very fast. I mean sure, I can believe that the Romanian villagers talk English amongst themselves at the local bar, but seriously, the movie is not content with that, it tries to actually pretend that they know English. We are not stupid movie so stop trying to make everything fit to the point of being absurd. Horrible casting here and you can see that Demián Bichir, Taissa Farmiga, Jonas Bloquet, Bonnie Aarons, Charlotte Hope and Ingrid Bisu are clearly out of their depth.

The pacing of this one is infuriating, absolutely infuriating. And I am not only talking about the way it is filmed, with long anticipatory shots that lead towards……… absolutely nothing. I am also talking about the characters, the way people follow every single noise but walk as slow as possible, everything is way too chilled for what is supposed to be a horror movie. I mean for fucks sake, nobody walks in a haunted monastery like me or you walk when we take a stroll down to the park… Seriously Hollywood, if you want your horrors to instill fear, please try to populate them with humans that actually behave like humans! I know, shocking, right…?

The one positive thing about the movie, and the reason it gets a score of four is the last sequence. The last 10 minutes of the film are amazing, well-paced, full of action and really entertaining. I was almost shouting in the cinema because I was excited by what was happening on screen. And at the same time, I wanted to shout and scream in frustration thinking about how awesome this movie could have been if only the rest of it was similar to the last 10 minutes. I mean oh my God, it would have been great, it would have been a horror to remember… But alas, 10 minutes is all you get here, and while that might be enough for a bloody good orgasm, it is definitely far below par for what I would expect from a decent horror movie in 2018.

In conclusion, The Nun is worth seeing if you are a fan of this franchise or if you really like horror movies. In fact, regardless of the reasons, you should check this one out, because it was a big box office success and that means there are elements here that people all over the world appreciated. Don’t expect too much out of it though, because it does miss the mark on many aspects. And especially towards the middle part, get ready to experience boredom on an astronomical level… In fact, as many in the theater audience confirmed by laughing out loud, go into it expecting a lot of unplanned comic scenes and you will do very well with it. Heck, maybe that is the trick to enjoying horror movies like this… Treat them as comedies and they will not be so boring… Hmm, who knew…

The Hateful Eight – 2015

Score: 8/10

I can’t say I am a big fan of Quentin Tarantino. I have never been and I most certainly have a lot of problems with many of his movies. So I have to say that I went into this a little bit biased. But The Hateful Eight managed to change my mind and I ended up loving it. It is harder to see than most films, but if you manage to get to the end and think about it afterwards, you will discover that the experience was totally worth it. I would see it again and that alone says a lot about the inner quality of it.

The story is a little bit convoluted, but you can expect that already from a Tarantino movie. Nevertheless, it is interesting, it has twists and it manages to keep you alert. This is a great movie for someone who likes to talk and most importantly for someone who likes to discover people through the small things they say and the idiosyncrasies they display. The dialogue is carefully constructed and there are almost no continuity errors here. A great story, and a unique one at that, which is not easy to do!

The characters are amazing, beautifully created and highly relatable. You really feel you are in the Old West and you can’t help but root for not one, but almost all of them. It is amazing to see such a talented cast at work, and the names here will leave you speechless. It is one of the most impressive casts I have ever seen, and I have to commend performances from Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Walton Goggins, Demián Bichir, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, James Parks, Dana Gourrier and Zoë Bell.

The overall style of the movie is typical Tarantino. A small and almost impossible to identify silver line and a lot of hidden symbols that you have to understand in order to enjoy the experience fully. And here is my problem with this movie. Because of his style, Tarantino manages to make his films feel longer than they actually are. It is the same case here, because on a first viewing, I was almost pushed to the limit. You could argue that is because the 168 minutes running time, but I really think it’s the way everything is shot, with a lot of pauses and a lot of “art”. Too much art can hurt a movie and destroy your immersion, and I really hope Tarantino will stop doing this in the future.

The music, oh my God the music. It is by far the best thing about this movie, and although I was expecting something like this from a legendary composer like Ennio Morricone, I have to admit that he actually managed to surpass every single expectation I had. He is a true legend of cinema and any movie in the world would be enhanced by his atypical and powerful scores. It is a joy from start to finish, and especially in the open credits, the cross scene will leave you breathless… Simply breathless…

In conclusion, The Hateful Eight is definitely a movie worth watching. It tries to be a classic western and it manages to be totally different from whatever you have seen before. It moves slowly but at the same time the action makes you jump from your seat in more instances than one. Overall, I would say that it is a unique experience, completed to perfection by the atmosphere that Tarantino creates, by the amazing musical score from Ennio Morricone and by the spectacular performances of a stellar cast. Oh, and the constant swearing and racism is simply adorable. Now who doesn’t love listening to over 200 hundred swear words in one single movie? 😀